I did one of those word searches you see on Instagram, the ones that promise that the first four words you see will define your coming year. I squinted and had to come back a second time because one of Gideon’s favorite hobbies is taking my glasses off of my face, but finally I found my four words.
Change Strength Power Creation
If you’ve been here before, you know I usually pick one word in lieu of a New Year’s resolution. But for 2023 I got four, so I’m going with it.
This year was humbling in so many ways.
I earnestly set goals, worked toward them, and made absolutely zero progress. I felt overstimulated and overwhelmed. I lost my temper more often than I needed to. I learned what self loathing felt like, maybe for the first time. I did not love the person that looked back at me in the mirror every day. I was either completely unkind to myself or uselessly forgiving, and I struggled to find a middle ground.
And sometimes I felt hurt by people around me. I have learned more about boundaries this year than ever before. I’ve learned that if you love someone you should show them, not just tell them.
We were busier than usual this year and life felt chaotic a lot of the time.
But there were still beautiful moments—a year of happiness, health, and enough love and laughter that I look back at the last twelve months with gratitude and joy.
Rob worked harder than he has ever worked and excelled in his career. I secured a really exciting photography contract with a major client, which was so fun, paid well, and did wonders for my imposter syndrome. I came back to teaching Pure Barre in the spring and gained a new studio family, which I didn’t even realize I was missing until I found myself sending an email to inquire about getting on the schedule.
I spent time with old friends, made new ones, found a routine every other Thursday morning for coffee with babies in tow. There were Saturday morning playdates with egg casseroles and coffee while the kids bounded up the stairs to build a fort.
My mom got married, my brother is planning his wedding, and we are thinking about our 10th anniversary in the spring of 2024.
Gideon turned 1, Sophie turned 5. Gideon went straight from walking to running and is saying new words every week, Sophie finally got to start preschool and has best friends and a social life.
We traveled to California for the first time since we moved and Gideon got to meet all of our west coast family and friends. My heart was healed a bit coming back for fun after we left so abruptly at the beginning of the pandemic without really being able to say goodbye.
It was a hard year, but it was a good year.
So I look at those four words and realize that I need them and I want them. Change after feeling stagnant for so long. Strength because I have felt weak. Power in a world where I so often feel powerless. Creation because there’s an entire part of me that has felt shut down lately, and it’s time for her to come back.
Happy New Year, friends. I hope 2023 gives you exactly what you need.
